A man walks into his doctor's office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, "I can't talk! Help me!"
The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered.
The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man's thumb with it as hard as he could.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" the man yelled.
"Good, good," the doctor said. "Come back tomorrow and we'll work on the 'B'."
Sitting behind some nuns (whose habits partially blocked their view) at a hockey game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there."
The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana , there are only 50 nuns living there."
The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho , there are only 25 nuns living there."
One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns there!"
Once a boy's grandfather beat his grandson for playing with fire in the courtyard.
The boy's father saw this and he got worried about his son. So he took astick and began beating himself. The grandfather was surprised and asked:
"Why are you beating yourself?"
"You are beating my son and I'm beating your son." The boy's father answered.
The famous American writer Mark Twain was well-known for his absent-mindedness.
One day, when he was riding in a train, the conductor asked him for his ticket。
Mark Twain looked for the ticket in all his pockets, but he didn't find it. At last, the conductor knew the writer, so he said: "It doesn't matter. Show me your ticket on your way back. And if you don't find it, there is no trouble."
"Oh, but I must find the dammed thing, otherwise how will I know where I am going?"